Tag Archives: craigslist weirdness

I Know What Men Want. Really.

20 Jan

I have a secret, guilty pleasure.

No, it’s not what you think! (God, some people are so perverted.)

I read the personal ads on Craigslist.

What? You can’t honestly tell me you never read them and had a WTF? moment. This is voyeurism at its finest. And I am a guilty participant.

My interest began innocently enough. It all started with the Showtime series Dexter. During the first season, the lead character Dexter was communicating with a serial killer via the Missed Connections section on Craigslist. Up ‘til then I thought this site was a place you went to buy a used sofa that smelled like cat pee. I was mistaken.

Here was a place where people with unique needs could seek out the company of those who would be understanding and supportive of said needs. In layman terms, the whack jobs could troll the crazy waters looking for that one special lunatic. It was love at first read.

Only problem was I was somewhat virginal (quit laughing) when it came to deciphering personal ad lingo. Then I discovered internetslang.com. Nice. I found out that BBW = Big Beautiful Woman and apparently every man out there wants one. It’s also considered to be a win-win if she has BANGERS = Boobs aka Sausages (I’m thinking patty, not link). Scoring a HWB = Hottie with a Body would be a major coup especially if she agreed to be a CSP = Casual Sex Partner. Unfortunately, it’s usually men who are AAB = Average At Best that post these ads in the hopes of snagging an LTR = Long Term Relationship. But as much as I love trying to crack the code of what men really want in a woman, I have a perverse appreciation for those who just put it out there with no sense of shame or embarrassment. A few of my favorites are:

The guy in Bloomington who wants a girl who stutters. I don’t get it. Does he stutter, too? Wouldn’t finishing a conversation take freakin’ forever if BOTH of you have a speech impediment?

The man who doesn’t want to have sex with you, but he does want to smother your feet. I don’t even want to know… okay, I do want to know, but I couldn’t find anything on Google under “foot smothering fetish.”

The woman seeking a eunuch. For realz. She’s worked behind the camera in the porn industry for so long she can no longer look at a man’s privates. Hehe I totally get that.

But by far, the poor man in Minneapolis who wants to meet a woman who isn’t repulsed by the fact that he is an ABDL = Adult Baby Diaper Lover. He’s been posting forever so I’m assuming no hits. Ya think?

So I’m laughing with my friends from work about personal ads which segues into men and what they really want in a woman. Jennifer mentions this guy she kinda likes and how he seems to be interested in another gal that is, shall we say, lacking in the looks department. Actually she smells like patchouli and could miss a meal (or 20). Jennifer asked us what could it be that Sasquatch had that she herself was missing?

“Beer-flavored nipples,” I replied.

My other friend Sandy looked startled for about two seconds before she burst out laughing.

Men don’t really want a BBW or a CSP or even an ACG = Asian Cowgirl. They want BFN. Preferably Heineken.

Hugs and kisses!

LisaD 😀

Advertisements