Tag Archives: dog

The Silent Victim

28 Dec

My name is Buddy and I need your help.

I have to make this quick while Ma’s in the shower. I completely get it that I’m the recipient (target?) of her love and adoration. I mean, who can resist me? She’s always telling me I have the sweetest little face and that I’m her little pumpkin. (I kinda like being her little pumpkin.)  I was minding my own business during the holidays… relaxing, napping, eating and napping some more.

Yeah, I'm in my happy place.

Then things took a dark turn. Apparently, Ma thought it would be cute to dress me in my parka.

I look stupid, Ma! All the guys will laugh at me!

I hate this jacket. It makes me look fat, especially from the side.

Does my body language convey my true feelings?

Wait. It gets worse. Ma took me to Petco and bought… ANTLERS! What, Rudolph got fired? God.

The inhumanity of it all! Where's PETA? Huh? ASPCA? Anybody?

Please. I’m begging you to stage an intervention. Ma needs a hobby, a date, something! I can’t take much more of this! I heard her talking to Ana about how you can get Uggs for dogs. She calls them Duggs and keeps telling me how cute I’ll look in them. Worse, Easter is just around the corner and I know there’s a pair of bunny ears with my name on them!

Oh, man, I gotta go! She turned off the shower and I don’t want to get caught. Please, please, help my Ma and you’ll be helping me.

And if you don't help me, there will be pain. LOTS of pain comin' your way!